Saturday, February 3, 2018

People pleasers ... stand up straight.


In this world we live in... we can't take respect for granted. When we're disrespected.... it might take some of us a little time to realize it... especially if we're people pleasers. (Ahem.. me) but when we acknowledge it, understand it and over think it, till we verbalize it (😉😊) many days or weeks have passed. It still stings like the first time. More so even, because we now have shame attached to it for not recognizing the disgrace sooner. 

Please think of this...
This does not make us weak... it makes us stronger. How? Because we  know ourselves... we know how we internalize it and the feel the catastrophic effects it has on us, sevenfold. We now know the damage done... but we're resilient still. Knowledge is power. We're not powerless ... we're made powerful by the recognition if our epiphany.
 Our opressers may not  take responsibility for their part in this injustice done to us, (when confronted) but what they don't understand .. is that our justice and acknowledgement comes from their pathetic denial... not their half hearted and pathetic false promises to "never do it again" while claiming no such accountability. We see you for who you are, what you stand for and what your "truth" represents.. and thats their egotistical self. If it doesn't serve them... it's not worth their argument... that's the trouble with sociopaths and narcissists.
 We must keep moving on... standing up when challenged... because without our tender hearts and trust in humanity, all is lost. 
Keep fighting the good fight.

Monday, January 9, 2017

Vendetta's baaack!!! Revised edition complete.

Vendetta's paperback is only $10.99 right now on Amazon! Kindle ebook is $3.99...  I've been asked many times, so I thought I'd post it for you all! I realize that many of you are afraid to purchase things online. I understand that it is worrisome and scary to think of your info getting stolen, however, Amazon and Createspace are both legit , secure online companies with safe check out! Heres a link. Thank you for supporting my novel. .. I hope you enjoy my story! www.amazon.com/dp/1481889532
www.createspace.com/4117568
note * Vendetta paperback or ebook will be the updated version . The old version is long gone... so don't buy used copies.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

It's alive!!!

   Alrighty. It's official... I have a www.jennifermoulton.com official website! I couldn't be more excited about it!!! This is one less thing to worry about and I'm so grateful for all the hardwork and countless hours. Jami at www.sitestudiodesign.com not only started this ball rolling for me, but was able to guide me and help me along the way... whatever your goals may be, this sweet lady can get you there!! Thank you for everything Jami!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Website is up!!

     It's here.... woo hoo!! 
My domain of www. jennifer moulton. com won't be linked for 30 more days... but here's the website with the "non-pretty" web (domain) address. So excited!! Now I have 30 more days to get some other things done. Thank you Jami for doing a wonderful job for me, I'm so pleased! Wanna check it out? Here it is...
http://jnjmoulton.wix.com/jennifermoulton

 My amazing designer and computer ninja Mrs. Jami Whited has worked so hard for me, along side me, and with me on this... from the beginning to the end she was spot on, informative, technical and professional! I will go to her for any type of marketing I need. She does it all... check it out! website design, graphics, logos, social media, postcard mailers, fliers, digital media... etc.

www.sitestudiodesign.com


     I never would have done this for myself without her confidence in me... her belief in my work, and her overall encouragement. It means so much to me. It's quite something to be believed in. Thank you Jami! <3
    

    

Friday, June 12, 2015

Retribution is happening!

Hi there!

    It's been a wonderfully busy summer so far and I couldn't be more excited to work on Retribution. (Sequel to Vendetta). I 'm also in the process of designing an author website for myself with the help of the lovely and talented Site Studio Designs owner, Jaime Whited. I'll place a link below to her business site. She's so professional and easy to work with... I highly recommend her if your thinking of creating your own website for anything. She can take you step by step... it's a blessing.

    I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and whatever it is you do... have fun!
-Jen

http://jwhited9.wix.com/sitestudio

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Still the same old "G".






                                Guess who's back? Me. Or some version of me... I'm still trying to get used to myself. So, what have I been doing? Recovering. I had a stroke. (I wouldn't recommend one). A had a basilar artery migraine stroke to be exact. (There's many types of migraines, and I get the ones that cause you to have a stroke if not treated,) Aren't I the lucky one.  Your basilar artery carries oxygen to your brain. Mine got squeezed. Hard.When it first happened, it was a confusing time... you know, after I woke up 3 days later and started comprehending properly. It has a tendency to change you emotionally and physically, so I was told. They were right.


    I'm a changed person. I'm medicated...sometimes. I have anxiety and I have less patience than I did before. I also have a shorter fuse and a mild to moderate case of "Not giving a crap about what people think." Which is new to me. I have always cared way more than I should. Let's be honest. I have always wanted to please everyone and go above and beyond to show people how much I care and love them, even when the feelings weren't mutual. I want everyone to like me and well... love me. Now I'm quickly realizing, that the ones who really matter, and the ones who need my attention are my kids, husband, family and close friends. The REAL ones, might I add. Oh and one other really important person that I often forget about is.... me. I matter. I have to take care of myself in order to take care of my family.  Easier said than done... but I get it now. Thank you stroke... for shutting down my brain for a bit. I think I actually needed it.

     "What??? You needed that stroke? Jennifer,,, you're talking crazy now." That's the general reaction I get. But let's go back to the beginning so you can understand why. It's not sunshine and rainbows... it's actually really dark. But it needs to be purged from me. Writing is the best way for me to express it.


     I have to start with day 4. It's the best I can do as far as accurately remembering things. I made the decision to check myself out and go home. So where does ones mind immediately go when they think of leaving the doctors? Go to work. (I refused to believe that I had had a stroke. I didn't want to draw attention to myself). So... I hazily drive to work and try to function... slurring my words, confused and trying to focus on smiling and acting normal. My coworkers learn of my crazy morning, through my awkward explanations of how "fine" I am. My family doctor calls concerned, telling me to come back and run tests. I went. After it was all done... I was supposed to go home with strict instructions on 1. not driving , 2. check in daily for b.p., O2 saturation and temp checks. 3. get all prescriptions filled. 4. stay home until neurology appt. 2 months out. 5. set up scans and mri. tests 6. blood tests 7. eye exam with Opthamologist. 8. take it easy... and rest my brain. 9. focus on mental health and reduce stress in my life. 10. be patient with myself and cope with new side effects from stroke. 11. quit working.


     My coworkers.. sensing my obvious inability to make any decisions, and not believing me when I said I was "fine", gathered my children, and drove us all home. It was a moment for me that I will never forget. The kindness, sacrifice, concern and overall care they showed me. I was stubborn and very much in denial that something was wrong and something very serious had happened to me.

    The next few weeks went by so fast... medication adjustments, emotional ups and downs, and sleep. Lot's of sleep filled my weeks. There were a lot of tears. A lot of awkward looks as I stuttered and tried to say basic words. It was frustrating. I had moments of pure thankfulness to God that I was alive... to hopeless feelings of sadness and despair. My children's comprehension of what happened to "mom" is different. My oldest knows... the younger ones think mommy has headaches. Dealing with Gabe's feelings of inadequacy has sobered me. He felt like he should have tried harder to wake me up when I had the stroke. He now thinks back and wonders... what if.. I should have called 911. My son took care of my younger ones while I was basically in a coma that weekend. That was the best thing he could do. The younger ones remember that weekend as a party. Endless Netflix + cereal + peanut + butter sandwiches= best weekend ever!That is something they won't forget, I'm sure. 

      My husband feels extreme guilt over working nights and coming home to sleep , only to leave again for work, not understand how bad I was... and wondering why I was sleeping so much. He just thought I was sick.  But that scary time is over... My speech has improved, my typing has improved... my mind is coming back. I have a scar so to speak... its a permanent brain stem aura and  it has left me partially blind in my left eye. We won't know the extent of the long term impairments.. but I'm doing great. I started out going back to work slowly and that decision has proved to be beneficial to me. I get tongue tied sometimes and lose focus, but I have a great co worker who helps me quite a bit. The dizziness returns sometimes and I get vertigo also... but that's only when I don't take my meds.


     There are some people that have reached out through text messages, Facebook comments, phone calls and even stopped in to bring a meal the first few days. That was wonderful to see the support and feel the love. I didn't think it was necessary, because I let my pride get in the way... but I couldn't cook for them. It was a blessing. When reality started to finally dawn on me... the Dr. explained how crucial it was for me to stop pretending I was ok. I wasn't. I could have ... died. That was too much for me to bare. It still is. My family has been through a lot these past 2 months. We have seen dark depressing days, and basked in the glowing light of promise.  Josh and I are slowly making positive changes to benefit our family. My struggles have been mental as well as physical and have been quite challenging to my entire family.

      I feel, that most people around me understand our daily delicate struggles and give us time and support to work them out as a family. But there are some... that chose to reprimand me and judge me without even knowing what we've gone through. They simply haven't been here. Haven't called me, talked to me, or even been to our house. No one has the right to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing. Nobody has the right to tell me where I should or shouldn't be going. All that does is show ME how ignorant you are and how un supporting, unsympathetic and  how unhealthy our friendship is. If I haven't heard from you in 2 months... and you call me up wanting me to babysit, clean up at church, run errands for you, make you jewelry or drive you somewhere... I'm going to do something I haven't done. I'm going to say NO. I'm saying NO more and more these days... and it feels great. I'm no longer a YES girl. It's actually quite liberating. Do I still help out when I can? Yes. When I can. I will no longer sacrifice myself or my families happiness and quality time... by stressing out and overloading my proverbial plate to please everyone else. I'm going to start living for myself. Is that selfish? No I don't think so. My husband and close friends and family don't think so either. In fact they're proud and they applaud my new found desire for life. I may not do and say what you want me to... or go where you think I should go... but if you care about me... you'll understand. If you don't... than that's not my issue. It's yours. Despite some of the changes I've talked about (I haven't divulged everything. Some things are still sacred.) I'm still the same person at the core. I'm strangely grateful for my stroke... let's tell the truth. It shut me down and reset my motherboard. I'm 33 years old and I have many wonderful things to live for. I have a renewed zest for life. As my dear friend so elegantly put, I'm still the same old "G".

     

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Tell me how you really feel. A letter from a "Fan".

  *(Well, hello there!)* <--- This is what my comments will look like inserted into the letter. :) Enjoy the letter. I know I did!

Dear Jen speak

I am not sure why you considered being a para pro at your child's school. Some people think it's crazy and say that you should just go back and get a degree in education. Apparently para pros aren't taken very seriously you know. It sounds like they are in high demand but not appreciated for what they do. Obviously not paid very well from the sounds of it either.

 *(Please tell me if you have any other thoughts on my life)*.

I hate the word Para professional. What exactly does that mean. As an elementary school teacher, I suggest you go back to school and get a degree. If you don't want to do too much schooling or do it slowly get your associates degree in Education, early childhood or elementary education or both and get a job as an associate teacher which is better experience and more respect than a para. And then if you wan to be a head teacher one day you have two years under your belt already and on hand experience all you would have to do is get a bachelors and a masters which would be difficult but a little easier for you because of your classroom experience.

 *(Thank you for your advice.)*

I hope you make the decision to better yourself properly. You seem like a smart person.

Anonymous.        

*(You're not anonymous... I follow your blog. Perhaps my intelligence SHOULD be called in to question. )*